so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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