girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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