if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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