Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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