5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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