That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
