I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
