she woke up with a sticky ear
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
