And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
