Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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