I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
