He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
