I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
