Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
