did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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