i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
