Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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