Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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