I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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