i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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