Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
