You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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