I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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