I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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