everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
