Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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