I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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