don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
