Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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