There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
