I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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