you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
