You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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