official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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