Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
