i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
