that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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