Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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