were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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