and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
