well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
