I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
