He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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