i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
