sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
