If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
