Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize