i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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