just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
