She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
