Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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