yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
