my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
