In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
