Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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