1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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