Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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