I just cut my nipple shaving
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
