I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
