If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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