happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
