Just fell off a train. Bad.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
