wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
