In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
