I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
