There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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