Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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