i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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