TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
