handjob tips. give me some.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
