If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
