the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
