I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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