I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
