love makes seman taste better
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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