You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
