I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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