dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
