Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
