Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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